This is a question many couples ask me, and I think it is a good one for my first blog post.
Too short and it lacks gravitas, too long and guests start to fidget, they start looking hopefully over to the drinks area where waiters are checking ice in the champagne buckets etc.
Give your ceremony long enough for everyone to calm down and focus. The build up to this moment has been enormous. You have spent hours preparing – hair, makeup, being with the bridesmaids and groomsmen. It’s been intense as you want to look perfect, and for every detail to be perfect. There may have been lots of final details and last minute requests made of you from friends and family.
For your guests, they have been busy too. Perhaps arranging drop offs for their young children who are not invited, getting dressed up for your wedding, travelling to the ceremony location.
With 100 guests, if each person makes 100 little decisions on their outfit, the directions, their transport, that is 10,000 thoughts that culminated in everyone now present at your ceremony. Busy minds and bodies – now everyone needs to stop, focus, listen and participate together.
Allow time for this calming – enjoy beautiful entrance music, and pause. Include music and reading and poems. These provide the pauses for thought during the ceremony. They also allow you to relax, as so much focus is on you as the couple. They give you a few moments to look about, take everyone and everything in, reflect on what is happening to you and your partner. Breathe.
I find that between 40 – 45 minutes to be the best length. Any less, and guests think, is that it? Longer and you begin to lose their interest. Choose beautiful music relevant to you – entrance, exit and one or two interludes. Have poems and readings – read by family and friends - between two and four is perfect, depending on their length. Focus on your vows. Give your celebrant enough background on you to be able to tell a good story about you without telling your whole life story that most present already know. Let everyone learn something that will help strengthen their own relationship.
Enjoy it and make it fun too!